I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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