My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
In America we eat man semen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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