College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
