I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
