I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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