Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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