You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
