I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
