I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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