Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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