he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How does one acquire holy water?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
