my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
