There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is wine microwaveable?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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