I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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