Do you still have your period?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
