I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
