we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
