I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
