Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
