went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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