There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
