All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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