I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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