i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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