I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
