You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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