She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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