oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
