Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
