I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
