a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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