Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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