If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
