I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
