is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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