The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
