i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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