I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
