you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
