she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
