I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
