I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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