____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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