He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
