What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
