So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
