pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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