We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
