i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
