I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
