i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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