So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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