I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
