I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
