He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
