Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
