I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
