bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
