His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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