So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
