im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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