Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
