so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
