if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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