I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
