You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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