Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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