I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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