I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I did not marry a roomba.
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