She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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