So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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