True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon