thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.