The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died