don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.