I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches