You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
