I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.