Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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