I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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