discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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