I need help removing her.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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