They should really pass out barf bags in church
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
