How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
