I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
