the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
