If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
